Profile Prowls: Part Two of Who Knows

Everyone kept saying, “Give it another chance, Kari!” I revamped my profile, added some more photos, and well, we’ll see.

I connected with a super cute and preppy golfer. Right up my alley, right? I thought he was probably younger, but maybe not that much. I have always been terrible at ages, weights, and numbers of tequila drinks I’ve consumed.

We shared a few flirty messages, and then here we go:

Me: Blake, I hate to waste your time. I feel like you’re just interested in hook-ups, and well, quite honestly, I don’t need an app for that.

Blake (if that is your real name): Why? You are old. You get to know someone in person.

Me: You just told me I’m old?

Blake: Texts get so misconstrued. I take care of my special needs brother. I go to Mass every Sunday. I pay my Dad’s mortgage. I’m not looking for hookups. Why are you coming to this conclusion? You are dead wrong.

Did he search google to find a list of things that (some) women (may) find impressive?

Me: I told you how I came to this conclusion. No hard feelings at all! Just don’t want to waste your time.

Blake: I want a wife. What aren’t you understanding? Read my texts. I TAKE CARE OF MY SPECIAL NEEDS BROTHER I SAID! I’m meeting you. Tonight. (time stamp: 11:57pm)

Me: I really appreciate the enthusiasm. But based on the two photos you just sent me, it’s definitely a hook up. Also, chill out bro.

Blake: I WANT A WIFE KARI. WHY can’t you accept this? Why does he think accosting me will work?

Me: crickets

Moral of the story? Maybe online dating apps exist so I can write stories about them.