See My Barf Bag, You Jerk?

Showing a cop your barf bag does not get you out of getting a ticket. My eve of defeat began as I was driving up the 405 from Santa Monica and was overcome with nausea. I grabbed a Ralph’s reusable grocery bag from my backseat and projectile vomited into it.

I approached the 101, knowing that in just a few more exits I would be home. I felt a stream of warm liquid begin to fill my lap. I looked down and noticed that the vomit was leaking from the bag into my lap.

Thanks alot, Ralph's. Ironic, huh?

I got off on my exit and threw up again. I was now only one block away. I'm barfing again, and the light was turning yellow.

I went on, knowing that if I didn't get home quickly I would have vomit shooting out of the windows. Then I saw it. Cop lights behind me.

"Miss, you ran through the light."

"Sir, I'm sorry, I am throwing up into this bag and need to get home. I'm one block away."

"You ran the light."

"I do not believe I did. Sir, I am one block away from home. I am actually looking out for others because if I do not get off this road ASAP I could become a hazard to others on the road. What if I get sick again? It's been proven that you cannot throw up with your eyes open. That means I would be driving with my eyes closed and could potentially run off the road. That's not safe at all. Safety first, you know?"

"How long have you lived in California? You have a Georgia tag. You have ten days from your arrival to change everything over."

I was praying that I could suddenly projectile vomit onto his feet.

"Well, I move into my new apartment tomorrow. I’m staying with my friends until then."

"I'm writing you a ticket for running the light, and notating that you have ten days to get a new license and registration or else."

"Or else? Can I at least get out to throw away my throw up, please Sergeant?"

"Just sit tight."

I continued to sit tight on the side of the road in front of Universal Studios and stare at the building that I was headed to which was in plain sight.

The ticket came in the mail. It was $480.00.

I'll be seeing him in court. Stay tuned.