A Tale of Two Bartenders

I always dreamed of pulling a Zack Morris, but I never thought it would be when I was 35.

A “few” years ago (I’m 44 so you do the math) I was at a local restaurant sitting at the outside bar with a friend. The bartender was super cute and flirty, and guess what? So was the server that brought out our food.

As the night progressed, my friend had to leave. I decided to stay since I was surrounded by hot men.

The bartender had gotten super busy as the night went on, and the server camped out next to me for a few minutes.

“I would love to take you out later. Here is my number, so…just let me know,” he said with a lean, a wink, and a pass of the note.

Just as sure as I said I would like to and turned back around, the bartender leaned over and said in a low and sexy voice, “I’m so sorry I was gone for a minute…anyway, I am about to get cut and would love to take you out after this if you are interested. Here’s my number.” He winked and slid his phone number across the bar.

I picked it up with my other hand. I was now holding two different phone numbers in two different hands.

Ok, I thought, what would Zack Morris do?

I got into my car, and texted both of them thinking to myself, what could it hurt? They probably won’t follow through anyway. Plus Lord knows I love a good story.

Derek texted back within a few minutes, so we met at another restaurant right down the street. I had saved both of their numbers in my phone with the name of the restaurant as their “last name.”

My phone was sitting out as Derek and I were talking, so naturally Warren called me and it showed up on my phone right in front of everyone’s face.

Derek said, “Oh! I see you have another admirer?!” while laughing in not so much of a “ha ha” way but more of a “what is actually going on” way.

How do I get out of this one How do I get out of this one How do I get out of this one was running through my brain at that speed and with no punctuation at all. And yes, I generally think in punctuation. Also, what in the world? I hadn’t been asked out in ages and now I’m suddenly Gisele?

I offered a ridiculous explanation, in hopes we could just laugh it off and order some queso.

We enjoyed the rest of the night, but needless to say I didn’t get a call back…from either one of them. It’s okay - after all, Zack Morris is no dating expert either.