Boots with the Spurs Was Her Favorite Song
What goes together better than spinning spurs and everyone’s favorite hit, “Nasty Dancer?” Two words: Joe Don’s.
One night after visiting a friend in (let’s just call it) Small Town In The South, she suggested that we hit a “local club.” The rest of us agreed, not really sure what a club here would entail. As we're approaching the door, I looked up at the sign. It read "Joe Don’s Honkey Tonk & Hick Hop,” over a logo of a cowboy riding away into the sunset. I stood there for a moment and stared at the sign, wondering where he was going and how I could get there.
We surveyed the dance floor. Cowboy hats (fine), a lot of Wranglers (also fine), and a boy wearing boots with razor-sharp spinning spurs (concerning) were first amongst the sightings. I pointed to Spurs and said, "He is going to kill someone." Spurs was 6'5" and weighed 104 pounds, 12 of which were the giant spurs.
The music in this place drifted freely from country songs (i.e. Hank Williams, Jr. and Alabama) to "hick hop" songs (i.e. anything from the CD "Booty Mix '96"). All of the sudden, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" came on and the place came to a complete standstill.
The entire dance floor backed up in perfect unison and began clapping to the beat. Spurs and another boy donning a belt buckle the size of my face made their way to the center of the circle. They grasped their buckles, tipped their hats, and began the dance off.
They were sweating and tapping their feet everywhere. Girls all across the place were screaming with delight and ripping each other’s shirts and nails off.
A hick hop song came on that whispered to my soul it was time to dance. A friend made eye contact with me and we jetted to the dance floor, trying to avoid getting our legs sliced open by Spurs. We formed a little train and everyone slowly started to jump on it, just in time for “Come On Ride That Train,” another classic Hick Hop hit.
I looked over to the side and all I could see were teeth. A ranch hand was propped up in the corner, grinning from ear to ear. At what, I have no idea. I pointed to him and yelled, "There he is!"
He looked at me, smiled even bigger and said, "You been waitin’ for me, Pumpkin Seed?"
I said, "Pumpkin, YES! Get over here!"
Pumpkin came over and started dancing with us. He had this glazed donut look and wouldn't stop smiling. About two choruses passed and he finally spoke. I was starting to get worried.
“Hi. How are you?” He didn’t wait for my response. “You’re a beautiful creature and I’m real excited to be dancin’ here. Have you met Joe Don? He is my cousin so I can introdu….”
I didn't need him to get too carried away so I asked him where he lived.
He looked at me and said, "Your hair smells good. I just want to lay next to it and smell it all night."
Okay, that’s enough, I thought.
I searched the crowd for my nearest friend and gave him “the look.” He rushed over and saved me temporarily. We spotted a side-stage that no one was dancing on and made a bee line for it. We hadn’t been dancing for more than ten seconds before a security guard came over.
No words were spoken at first. He looked at my friend, motioned for him to get off the stage, and just stood there.
I began to follow him off but the guard stopped me. "Honey, you can stay."
“You want me to just stand up here and dance by myself like an idiot?”
All of our friends had seen this and made their way over. I continued dancing solo on this platform in front of Spurs, Pumpkin, and the rest of the mullets.
As the clock struck 2am, for fear of turning into a haystack, we left. While walking out, Pumpkin ran up and asked for my number. Another friend happened to hear this at just the right time. He grabbed my arm and looked at us.
“Let me get her number for you,” he said. “Kari, why don’t you go on and wait in the car? It’s cold out. I’ll give him your number.”
That night I got a text from Pumpkin (wasn’t my friend supposed to give a fake number??) that read, "Hey. I hope your cellular device plan allows you to get text emails. This is Curtis. The one from Joe Don’s that you called ‘Pumpkin.’ I really enjoyed my evening with you and I want to take you to breakfast at Ron’s Pancake Diner. I hope you remember me. Hit me up."
Later that week I went out and bought Charlie Daniels’ Greatest Hits and signed up for a hick hop dance class. You never know when Joe Don’s might be hiring.
