The Scarlet Screenshot
I wonder if Nathaniel Hawthorne had any idea how smart phones would eventually become the avenue to instantly shame people by way of screen-shotting (yes, this is an action verb) almost anything and immediately sharing it with friends.
I have an entire album on my phone of screenshots from dating websites, including but not limited to profile bios, direct messages, and photos.
My favorites are photographs of the guy standing in front of what is probably not his Maybach or Lamborghini. Also, I do not believe that the Albino tiger is your pet, Sir. Lastly, I do not recall seeing you win that Olympic medal.
Here are some more of my favorites {in case you missed the last post, the website template is first, their answer is second, and my thoughts are below that in italics}.
A life goal of mine:
Having my kids be embarrassed because all their friends tell them their mom is hot
Here’s to me, Mrs. Robinson
I’m a regular at:
Taco Bell
I just wonder what this entails. VIP discount? A guy to text for reservations? Do they know your order?
All I ask is that you:
That if I let you in please don’t break anything and I’ll give you that same promise
Does he mean let you into his house and please don’t break a lamp? Or is he asking you to not break his heart. I need clarification, Timothy (if that is your real name).
I’m weirdly attracted to:
Older women
Says the 27 year old to me
I’m looking for:
Someone young fun and horny to spoil oh so generously and do exciting stuff
Says the 77 year old to me
Let’s make sure we are on the same page about:
Yes
We aren’t.
Now here are some of my favorite direct messages:
Hello you look very elegant. Can we know each other?
I am not quite out of my marriage but looking for an intimate physical partner to not get attached to me and cuddle does that work for you?
I would like to swim in your dimple.
Did you know the human heart pumps 2000 gallons of blood each hour? Mine went up to 3000 after seeing you.
What line of work are you in? Modeling?
When I was 16 I was a bad boy.
I’m not on here that much can I get your number so I can just text you?
My subscription ends tonight, so we’d better text real quick.
Yeah, mine does too, Sebastian.
