You’re Just a DDB
People love to say, “Oh, I was friends with everyone in high school.”
It’s usually never true. That is similar to girls saying (in that voice that ends with an upward inflection), “Yeah, I had mostly guy friends…” which translates to one of two things: 1) You were a total beeyotch and girls didn’t want to be around you or 2) You were just hooking up with all of them.
I like to think that I was indeed “friends with everyone” - maybe I was just (ok, tried to be) “friendly” to everyone. I will say, my class (Hoya Hoya Saxa!) was truly amazing. We all supported each other in our sports, in our performances, and beyond. I will never forget those experiences.
At our 20 year class reunion, I had an encounter that led me to question all of the above, based on a psychotic message chain from someone I barely knew.
Come with me on this 12 hour train wreck:
There was a girl in my class that we will call Tabitha. I vaguely remember her being quiet. I vaguely remember people making fun of her. But isn’t that what high schoolers do? Don’t worry, I am not pro-bully, I’m just making a point that teenagers are a-holes.
About two weeks before the reunion, I had commented on a post that Tabitha made, and we began chatting back and forth on social media. A few of us decided to meet up before the reunion, so I extended an invite for her to join us. She told me she would let me know. To me, that is the nice way of telling someone to go jump in a lake.
She ended up not meeting us, but I did see her at the reunion. She looked great, except for the glaring and judgy smirk she was wearing whilst standing in the corner. I never got the chance to say hi to her before she left, so in my mind it was no big deal and maybe I would see her at Publix. Actually, I knew I probably wouldn’t see her at Publix because I had not previously seen her at Publix, but whatever.
The reunion was a success. When I got home that night, I was scrolling through the fabulous pictures and saw a post of her getting her hair and makeup done before the reunion. I decided to comment on the post.
“Tabitha! You looked amazing tonight. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to say hi, hope you have a great weekend.”
I woke up Sunday morning to this response:
“Whatever Kari, you had absolutely no intention to come say hi, you just want to make yourself feel good.”
Wait, am I still asleep? I thought to myself. What is she talking about? Keep in mind, this was a public comment to add to the drama.
I responded, “Actually, Ben and I were joking that it was like speed dating trying to get around to everyone…not sure I follow…”
“You could probably use that,” she wrote.
I deleted all that, then messaged her privately and said:
Hi Tabitha! Not sure I follow you here. I was just paying you a compliment - the night got a little hectic trying to get around and say hi to all the people there. I was just making a joke.
The conversation went downhill fast, and yes I am changing names to protect the (very!) innocent:
Tabitha: Whatever. Kevin Matthews has tried to f**k me for years, so I don’t totally blame you and your friends. Hate is bad. I’ve never done anything wrong.
(For context: “Kevin Matthews” graduated with us and was there, but I barely even spoke to him and literally felt like I was in the Twilight Zone reading this).
Kari: I guess I’m confused?
Tabitha: I don’t believe that anymore than you saying hi. Save yourself. Don’t need to hear it. Kari, I didn’t come to this 20 year reunion for you.
Kari: I realize that. I just wanted to pass along that I thought you looked great and I hope everything is well.
Tabitha: You were a bitch. No one else was. Glad you noted that. Hope you feel better because you deleted something. And being the real loser with no children or anything to show for your life. Maybe that’s it and I missed the bus. I have a kid in college, Kari. And it’s paid for. Because I raised him to have a brain. Something YOU WILL NEVER HAVE KARI, so please don’t question me again you DUMB, DUMB BITCH. While Kevin Matthews has been knocking at my door for 6+ years, and that is why you and your friends are mad. I have no pity for shitty people like you. And you are a shitty person. And I know why you are single, because you suck as a person. You have no husband, no kids, so your opinion doesn’t matter to me and never will.
What in the world did I say to her in 11th grade, I wondered. Was I actually a Mean Girl and simply have no recollection of this time in my life? Also, she is not married either so calm down. Lastly, why are you referencing me and my friends being mad…I’m not mad…they’re not mad. Nobody is mad. However, I do feel like I’m on a different planet than you in this seemingly LSD induced conversation.
My face must have shown my surprise, because my friend Chris walked up to me at church and asked what was going on. I showed him the messages, explained the brief story, and we both burst into laughter after he said, “Whatever you DDB!”
He quickly assured me I was not, nor have I ever been, a “dumb dumb bitch” per her allegations.
I took a screenshot and sent to my friend group. Apparently she had gone onto the Facebook Reunion Page and posted nasty comments under all of the photos from the night. It appeared that Tabitha had a lot to say.
I still to this day have no idea what any of that was about, nor do I know what I may have said at some point in our lives to make her hate me. But contrary to what she said to me, I do indeed have a pretty cool life - including the “Best Hair Award” from that reunion, and this book of which I will mail her a signed copy.
