Two Stories Too Many: The Beginning of My Illustrious Career at the Marietta Country Club

5 Apr

The Interview: Was I in the right place at the right time? Absolutely.

In high school I decided I was ready to start making some cash. I was too young to work at a strip club, so the country club seemed like my only option. Plus, I didn’t think I could deal with the general public at some place like Applebee’s.

I applied at Marietta Country Club, a local golf course community where plenty of old men had plenty of cash. I walked in and had a job within the hour, without having to take any clothes off. The interview went something like this:

“Hello, Miss Green, I see that you’re fifteen years old and this is your first job application. And I see you enjoy shopping, eating out, and…vacations. Me too, Honey. What brought you to the illustrious Marietta Country Club?”

“Well,” I glanced at her nametag, “Judy, if I may? I’m interested in the country club lifestyle and feel that I will fit in well here. I enjoy expensive food, golf and tennis (I played neither) and Lucinda Walsh Dixon is my favorite character on ‘As The World Turns.’ I’m pretty good at convincing other people to do what I want, in fact, just this morning I talked my way into a “C plus” in Algebra and, well, Lord knows that wasn’t happening on it’s own. I like talking to people too. My favorite food is seared tuna. I was just introduced to, and found myself enjoying, Willett but please don’t tell my parents. My mom is waiting in the parking lot because I cannot drive yet. She had to drive me here for this interview. In fact, they said I can get a car if I get this job so do you know how much longer this will take?”

“Thank you for the information. All of that information. We would love to have you. Most of our new hires begin on the beverage cart and the downstairs bar and grille.”

“Wait, I can serve alcohol? I’m fifteen.”

“Yes, it’s a private club so we have different regulations to follow. About serving, that is. Not consuming.”

I smiled.

“Do I get cash tips? That don’t have to be claimed as income?”

She smiled. “The members have club number accounts that they use for payment, but most of them also give cash tips if you take good care of them.”

“When can I start? Do your uniforms have the choice between the regular skirts and then the slightly shorter ones?”

I learned a lot about myself and way too much about the members from working there. Within my first two weeks I discovered I didn’t want to be anything like most of them when I grew up, if and when that entailed old man makeouts, lengthy hugs and lousy threesomes with the babysitter.

Seagrams & Secret Hot Tub Parties

My first day involved driving the beverage cart around the golf course about seven hundred times. My first day involved giving these old, rich men tall drinks and long hugs. My first day also involved getting huge tips for pretending to be interested in their dumb stories. The age range of these men was somewhere between 77 and 107 years old. Actually, that depended on the day. There was another younger & much more fun group, but we will cover those stories later on.

As my first day out on the course was coming to a close, I was self-celebrating the fact that I did not run over that squirrel that kept sprinting out in front of my cart. I hoped he went somewhere else tomorrow. As the sun was setting, a strapping old gent in plaid pants and a non-matching pink argyle sweater approached me.

“Kari,” he hissed with his whiskey breath flaring like a dragon. “My wife is out of town, and some of my friends are coming over for a hot tub party. I would like for you to be there, and if you come,” he leaned in closer to my ear, “then tomorrow I will take you car shopping, and buy you any car that you want. And I’m not kidding.”

Neither was I. I wasn’t really sure how to respond to all of this. I began by wiping his dragon-spit off of my cheek. I was 15 years old. He was 105 years old. I felt this was an opening for a bad/good Lifetime movie. I imagined it being called something like “Hot Tub Hell: The Tale of a Young Girl’s Adventures at a Geriatric Hot Tub Party That Ended in the Cardiac Ward at Kennestone” due to the heart attack I anticipated him having at any point in the night. What do Geriatrics do at a hot tub party? Drink Seagrams and 7 and talk about their 401K’s and the war? I didn’t want to find out. I just looked at him and smiled and said that I had plans, but I really appreciated his offer (seeing as how I briefly considered attending). The next weekend he totally ignored me like we had broken up at the eighth grade dance. When I set his wedge salad in front of him I whispered, “I didn’t want your stupid car anyway.”

No comments yet

Leave a Reply