Chef No Thank You
I have successfully avoided cooking classes for 40 years. I’ve also successfully avoided a relationship wherein the man says, “Cook me dinner!” These are all great feats, and I can only pray my life continues in this direction.
It’s not that I CAN’T cook, it’s just that I don’t want to. I much prefer going to a restaurant. With friends, without friends, with a hot guy, without one…either way you get my point.
I learned from my friend Mindy Kaling, (well, let’s flash forward to when my book is published and we become BFFs and co-writers), that observers are the best writers.
I believe that restaurant bars or hotel bars are the best places for "observing." Second to the airport.
Generally it leads to a development of some sort. It could be any development really: from someone asking me how I remain so skinny while eating a meal like that, a cute guy being a flirt, or me trying to pay as fast as I can and get outta there!
People often suggest things that I should try cooking. “Oh, have you ever tried *insert some made up name* with salmon? All you do is grab some salt, pepper, limes, chili powder, cumin, cut up some fresh organic veggies, roast those in EVOO but not Rachel Ray’s brand - grab the other one on the shelf above that, add some…” I temporarily black out from boredom. “Then you just bake it on 375 for 13 minutes, not 14 though, then pull it out and flip it, add the veggies and onion powder and hot sauce, and then…”
All I can think about at this point is how many cocktails in I would be at the restaurant across the street for the amount of time that this meal is taking to prepare. Also I don’t really have spices. So then I have to go to the store again? No thanks!
I am also often asked, “Oh, you just went by yourself?”
“Why, just because I’m single I shouldn't go to restaurants?”
“Oh, no, I mean…that isn’t what I meant.”
“What did you mean?”
“I was just wondering, like…don’t you get bored?”
“No.”
This same conversation can be recycled for when people find out I like to travel by myself. Some of my favorite beach trips have been Kari, Party of One.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love friends and boys and dates and stuff; however, there are an equal number of days that I just want to go sit, observe, and gather ideas. Maybe it’s enough to create a chapter, a character, or be able to share the story the next day and make someone laugh. I like to make the most of the limited amount of days we have on this globe. There are a lot of people to meet and a lot of stories to write. Call it cheesy if you want to. I’ll be that adorable and hilarious little mouse any day!
