The People We Meet
1. The girl who all she’s had to eat today was 5 glasses of house chardonnay (that's not a thing, by the way) and a bite of someone else’s fish tacos
We all know this person. She is always there, always running a few minutes late, always just leaving the salon although her flyaway top hairs might suggest otherwise. You can’t tell if she’s been crying, had a bad reaction to a new overpriced mascara, or is possibly just hungover from the morning mimosas...or the night before (which was Tuesday).
2.The guy who lets you know before you learn his last name that he is dairy free and only eats plant based meat
I’ve actually been on a date with this guy. The bartender was handing us the menus and as they were mid-air, he spoke the words, “What are your dairy free options?” I cringed inside and began frantically searching for the nearest exit while secretly ordering a to-go bowl of queso.
3. The guy who has also been to that place or eaten at a better restaurant
Been on a date with him, too. “So you like sushi?” I asked. “DO I?!” he replied. “Uhh, I would say so. Ever heard of choosing your own raw fish straight off the dock?”
4. The guy who wears a surgery boot for sympathy and/or also leaves on a band-aid from blood drawn three showers ago
“So, when was your surgery to remove your toenail, again? 9 months ago? Cool.”
5. The guy who forgets to remove his VIP access band
(yeah we saw your posts).
6. The girl who is “suuuuper excited to shoot out a quick video about something she is super excited about”
Just a girl, building an empire! Skinny tea. A box of overpriced items that someone you’ve never met handpicked for you. Workout pants that lift your butt to resemble that of Beyonce. Also, have people REALLY been asking you about it? Enough to merit you telling us that a LOT of us have been asking so here is a quick (length of 8 stories) video?
7. The lady who always responds to “how are you” with “well, I’m better….” and you run
She’s usually at church or the market.
8. You know that as you’re explaining the next task, you could have done it three times
The blank stare. You wonder if it’s real or on purpose so they don’t have to do the task, but either way you’d rather just do it so you don’t have to sit there with that person any longer.
9. The guy who wears a Columbia fishing shirt and croakies but has never ever been on a boat
He also has a dutch oven and a full set of Japanese knives.
10. The people that fast pitch their half full coffee cup into an open trash bin
Just get the tall. You’ll save $4 and be less annoying.
11. The guy that you cannot quite figure out if he’s gay or just a good listener, so you say, “Sooo, who are you into? I want to set you up with someone - one of them is myself and the other is my trainer, Fabio.”
